As parents, you face a dilemma in the effort to raise “nice kids”. It’s not unusual (or strange!) to shower love and affection on children, while other family members join in on the process, all reinforcing mild-mannered, cooperative, and non-aggressive behavior in them. One could easily say this is a desired result!
Unfortunately, it then comes as a shock when those same children encounter an aggressive playmate and fail to stand up for themselves. Some parents may get upset their young one backed off, or even retreated in tears when faced with such a situation. Even as adults, many of us can recall being passive as children, with this temperament and behavioral norm potentially carrying through to today.
Sidenote: There is a separate issue of behaviors towards women and girls. We encourage strength in composure and self no matter gender or identity, and discourage actions which make another uncomfortable in order to gain a kind of power over them. This is not ok.
While you aspire to raise caring, sensitive, and affectionate humans, there is a risk to encouraging passivity. Of course, carrying sensitivity and seeking mutual respect is essential, but sadly, a passive child can be pushed around, literally and figuratively, by their peers. There is a degree of pushback that is warranted, emotionally, or even physically if appropriate, to maintain personal boundaries.
School doesn’t make this easy. They are not structured to teach “assertiveness” to children, and most policies encourage passive responses to physical conflict (Editor’s note: This is precisely what happened to yours truly. It was not the correct response.). Assertiveness is just “standing up for yourself”.
Aggression & Assertiveness Are Not The Same
When seeking a solution that supports your children’s physical and mental well-being, it’s important to avoid becoming part of the problem. Training children to be aggressive is not the answer. Rather, they must learn the (arguably more difficult) skills of conflict resolution that equips them with the tools to appropriately assert themselves.
Of course, we all prefer finding resolutions without a fight. However, to have the confidence and self-esteem needed to stand up to a bully (even with calm intellect), children (and adults…did you think this was only for young ones?) need to know how to block or side step an attack, in the event their verbal self-defense is insufficient. Actually striking back should always be a last resort, but incompetence is no defense at all.
In other words, simply knowing you can respond to a physical confrontation helps empower a person to be at their best in a non-physical one.
Internalizing Assertiveness Through Karate Training
Assertiveness is an abstract concept. Through our 44 years of training students in the martial arts here in Plantation, we found that actively practicing the movements of martial arts, especially well-defined blocks and strikes. It’s through repetition of concrete actions that the abstract ideas become internalized and understood. Yes, it can take a while. All personal growth does!
Practical assertiveness training of this kind leads to development of “Self”, which we define as a combination of self-esteem, self-control, and self-realization. As a karate school, all your instructors emphasize personal growth and positive development for the students…and themselves (this helps them best train you and your children as well!). Knowledge of MuDoKai, our style of mixed martial arts, is effectively knowledge of the self.
We have no interest in training bullies or encouraging students to look for fights. If you’re looking to sweep the leg, we aren’t your dojo (though students do learn sweeps, conducted with consent of their partners, and always performed in a safe manner!).
When we know ourselves, we can all embrace life with confidence and a clear understanding of fair and appropriate responses. Evil flourishes when good men do nothing. But good can shine when people of courage, including those training in MuDoKai martial arts, have the confidence to be assertive for what is right.